Communication Challenges & Real-Life Situations

India has 18 different recognized "official" languages, and a universally understood head bob that apparently means yes. Since I speak only English, and a few words from each state I visit (basically hello and thank you), communication can be a challenge, to say the least! Most people have studied English for at least a few years in school, but most of them speak a very programmed set of words. "What is your good name?" "You from where?" "You like Kerala?" and their very favorite word, "Yes." I always try my best to answer their questions with a smile and graciousness, but occasionally I need to ask questions too. This is where it gets complicated! Here are a few real-life situations that have happened recently, and trust me there are ten a day just like this...

Situation #1: Am I on the right bus? -- I know that our bus from Kerala is supposed to depart at 5:30, so at about 5:20, I start looking around the station but the bus destinations are not written in English. So I poke my head in a few buses and ask, "Kumily?" A few say no, and point to some invisible bus next door. One replies with a head bob. I, and most westerners, interpret this vague signal to be "perhaps" or "maybe" or "maybe not", so I ask again. "Is this bus going to Kumily?" Head bob. I say, "Yes, then?" Head bob. So I look at Gerdien, and we shrug, and board a bus that we hope is heading to Kumily... amazingly, we arrived. (But only after barfing out the window, but that's another story!)

Lesson - The head bob means yes, no matter how ambivalent it looks.

Situation #2: Big Talkers, Heavy Accents -- One of the most hilarious aspects of communicating with Indians, at least the ones that work in the more touristy places, is that they are overly confident in their English skills, even if their accent is so heavy that you can't understand a word they say. Today, while getting a massage for an achy back, the woman said to me so confidently and fast, "Today, you go home, no pick, eat no, rub like this every day" and she acts out a poorly coordinated routine I'm supposed to copy, and I try. She says, "NO! Not that." Then she says, "You ten years, today come to me, not good today, tomorrow pain, after. You understand?" I head bob in agreement, though I think mine means more of a maybe not. She doesn't understand the language I speak, nor me her, but I feel better nonetheless.

Lesson - Unless your life depends on it, just assume that you will never understand everything that is being said and know that you will be OK anyway.

Situation #3: Goa Bus Station -- Gerdien and I board the bus bound for the railway station and we sit in a bench seat built for three, our backpacks occupying the third seat. When the ticket collector comes along, and the bus is moments from leaving he loudly insists that Gerdien get off the bus and buy a third ticket for our bags. She rushes to the ticket window to ask for a third ticket (only about 10 cents) for the bags, and the ticket agent looks confused and says "No ticket needed." Hmmm. She comes back to the bus, no ticket in hand, and the ticket collector says, "Twenty rupees please." (about 50 cents.) We, and our bags, make it safely to the train in plenty of time.

Lesson - Everything is possible in India, with a small tip to whoever is in charge.

Situation #4: Ordering food -- At a local Indian restaurant (not the tourist variety) I try to order lunch. "Can you tell me what the Malai Kofta is?" Response, "Yes". "OK then, what?" "Yes." I ask, "Is it fried?" "Yes?" He says "Fresh fried." Hmmm, what's that? "OK, then how about the Chana Masala." He says, "Chapati?" "No, no chapati, no rice, just chana." "You want chapati then?" "No, no chapati." "OK, chana masala and chapati?" I'm tired of ordering, and finally just say "Yes." When the order arrives, alas, there is no chapati. These situations happen basically every time I order a meal, and I never stop finding them hilarious.

Lesson - Just order anything. Everything is good, no matter what you get!

Situation #5: Bargaining for a Rickshaw -- "How much is a rickshaw to Periyar?" "One hundred rupees." Aghast, I say, "Too much! How about twenty five?" "OK., get in." Done.

Lesson - NEVER pay what the rickshaw driver asks!

Situation #6: Asking the Price of Something -- I ask at a phone booth how much it will cost Gerdien to call Holland per minute. "Five seconds, two twenty rupees." "No, I want to know for a minute, not for five seconds." She repeats, "Five seconds, two twenty." "Two hundred and twenty rupees for FIVE SECONDS? That's like thirty dollars for one minute!," I exclaim. "No..." and she scribbles something down on a piece of paper, "2.2 rupees per 5 seconds." OH. That's a little different...

Lesson - When in doubt, have them write down what they are trying to say.

Hopefully, should YOU come to India someday, you can learn from my real-life lessons!